TO EXPECT, OR NOT
with Fran Tomlin
You’ve heard the expression, when in doubt, do nought. Nought meaning nothing. I was planning to write about EXPECTATIONS . However the enormity of all that encompasses opens wide like the mouth of an Anaconda, disappearing into its own body as if down a never ending abyss into darkness. Such is my imagination. It felt so daunting I almost decided to do nought. There are soooo many forms of expectation. Certainly the ones dealing with the everyday i.e what to eat today ? or “ if i follow this programme 100% i will lose so many kgs “ are not what my intention is in regard to being addressed here. So i decided not to do nothing, instead this article combines expectation and acceptance. Total opposites.
This brings me to the Tyranny of expectations. As in regarding something likely to happen, someone to behave in a certain way or high expectations of the Self. As in ( defined by the Collins Theasaurus) having to do with :
“Assumption, presumption, demand, insistence, requirement or to anticipate”. Expectations in the sense of the latter definitions , are a surefire way of setting oneself up for failure or disappointment ; for suffering. Those expectations ( intangible) regarding people’s behaviours, one’s own attitudes or behaviours, of the world in general, or what your life should look like or how your children should be. On & on, Ad Infinitum.
Even the expectation of having no expectations of oneself or others ( i.e practising unconditional love) is an expectation creating , in the main, suffering again. Perhaps instead we can look at extending that unconditionality towards ourselves i.e in the spirit of true recognition to ourselves absolutely being a ‘work in progress’ at this time as we follow our own individual spiritual evolution. In that mindset of awareness we are more likely to ‘spill over ‘ into loving kindness toward others. More likely then too to be able to be fully centred & ‘stand in our own power’. Especially as the only antidote to expectation is acceptance. Full stop. And acceptance doesn’t mean & doesn’t have to equate to a ‘giving in’ victim type stance where you follow along mindlessly with anything and anybody. Jesus , that beloved enlightened Master, was 100% accepting, but he still got violently angry towards ( to all accounts as I’m aware) i.e the tax collectors and such at the Temple. There must have been other occasions too. Being Accepting of the perfect imperfections in the flow of life brings one into ones own power. Having attachment to an outcome creates suffering, creates torture. High expectations bring no joy. Which can lead one to settle for mediocrity, to settle for scraps. Which brings us to healthy expectations.. Allowing abuse( in all its forms, including self –abuse in all its forms) is teaching ‘those that abuse’ to treat you that way & even to continue treating you that way. So, in that regard for instance, a healthy expectation is needed to have them/you respect your boundaries , hopefully thereby implementing change, otherwise you will get what you settle for. At the worst case scenario, with full acceptance for who they ( the abusers ) are, and an allowingness for having no expectation in any regard , you could say “ you can be as abusive as you like – but we wont be able to be friends I’m afraid , as your type of behaviour just doesn’t fit in with me at this stage in my evolution.” If, on the other hand, it is toward yourself, then fully embrace & own that ‘abuser self’ as one of your aspects/ selves, and communicate with it explaining to it literally that that type of behaviour has not, and will not ever, serve you as a whole and therefore ( through inner dialogue) reaching an agreement with that self to integrate, allowing the ‘higher self’ to lead the way . At that point, you can re-iterate your intention to practice loving kindness toward yourself and with intention & conviction release into the Cosmos all of that which no longer serves...and feel it leaving. Then you will experience the Lightness & freedom that result.
It is what it is.
A person is, in the final analysis , not their personality, they are their Soul. If you see that acceptance & therefore ‘no expectations’ is easy. If you find that difficult to see try to remember a personality, a person, is always perfect in their imperfections. Their imperfections teach you soo much about yourself. They are always a reflection of you. It/whatever is always a reflection of you.
And adding to that , as an afterthought, maybe someone did let you down in your life for example , maybe even many times, but was it perhaps unfair or unreasonable for you to place them there, in that elevated position, in the first place? And in so saying, it follows obviously that perhaps its always advisable to maintain an accurate awareness of your own “realities”? As the saying goes “ its always all about YOU” and that’s a truth. With love & Blessings, Fran.