The Pain of Men and Women
by Diane McCann
Men! As I sit here reading a book of men’s stories my heart aches with the sadness and pain so many men feel! What has happened to us as human beings? Domestic violence has always been around, at some moments in time, it was even condoned but today we have an epidemic of it. I know that it happens on both sides of the fence but obviously it is far more predominant in males committing the violent acts. On the other hand I see beautiful men who are shattered when their marriages break down and the women take “revenge” and deny access to the children of the man, that once upon a time, they loved! I have heard some terrible stories lately about women fabricating lies of sexual abuse of their children in order to prevent access. What all of the above shows is a lack of balance in the male/female within us and outside us.
Many men were raised by tough fathers for whom the word “feeling” wasn’t part of their vocabulary. Emotionally repressed fathers = under-fathered men and both spell disaster for relationships. For men to be able to communicate effectively they need to be able to feel... Don’t be a baby. Don’t be a sissy. Toughen up or I will give you something to cry about ... catchphrases many men heard during their formative years. Thus feelings are a foreign language for many. To learn to sit in a space with men and actually hear what other men are willing to share takes courage. To share from that sad, hurt place inside takes supreme courage! We have been fortunate enough to create a space of safety where men can do this and it is very humbling to hear their stories! The young man who came home from Uni to find both parents dead; the men who hid in fear from the beatings of their fathers for the smallest infraction in the home; the men raised by alcoholic or drug induced parents who basically raised themselves. Then there are the majority, men (and women) raised in “normal” homes… Normal because emotions were never discussed or raised and even though we knew as children that all wasn’t right, when we asked that question we were told everything was “fine” and thus we began to doubt ourselves. I took rebirthing into the prison system and worked with 12 guys, all of them had been traumatised by violence as children. After months of rebirthing, both theory and practice, when released, none of the men re-offended. What changed? One thing! Their mind set! Their childhoods were the same, their crimes were the same, but what changed was how they perceived their lives once they became conscious.
We all know what didn’t work for us as children; babies are like sponges, they soak it all up and there is no such thing as too much love - but there is definitely a lack inside ourselves when the love isn’t forthcoming. We actually blame ourselves and think there is something wrong with us, we then attract the wrong people into our life and repeat our childhood patterns over and over. Regardless of whether that pattern was one of being ignored, abused verbally, emotionally or mentally; it leaves us feeling that we are not enough! We don’t need volcanos that have been dormant for years exploding and we don’t need hurt men imploding. Men commit suicide every day of the week and it needs to stop.
We need to do the actual work on ourselves, change the subconscious programming and begin to believe in ourselves. Some people need to heal their anger and rage, others their deep sadness and loss, whatever it is, it can be done. It just takes commitment to the Self. Are you worth that? I think so. Find a modality that works for you, one that can bridge the gap between consciously attracting what you want in your life and how you want to live and the subconscious which shows you by your results what you have and where the gap in your consciousness is. Go bridge it and thrive! Let’s have a world of peaceful men and women where our children can grow up whole and conscious. Then we will have peace!
Diane McCann Mathews – facilitates The Goddess Within and together with her husband Robert Mathews co-facilitates Man’s Inner Journey and Tantra for couples. She can be contacted on (08) 82481281 or email: firstname.lastname@example.org. www.beyondtheordinary.net.au