Finding Peace in Loss
with Sharyna Sharman
Winter has always been a time of introspection and ‘going to ground’ for me. As the trees become bare and all rests and regenerates in nature, so I follow suit.
This year on the opening of winter and in fact, on the full moon at the start of June, I was faced with the cycles of life to their full extent. More specifically the cycle of winter, which symbolically represents death in Nature. This day marked the passing of one of my most treasured horses.
He had been an integral part of my life since the age of 15. We matured together and learnt together. I can thank him for teaching me about confidence, leadership, strength, self-esteem/self-respect and the true power of energy and connection which are now all the things I teach to others.
Losing him in this physical realm so unexpectedly was shattering. He led me into the work I do today and was the star of my business as well as my personal teacher and friend.
Grief is an overwhelming thing and many of us try to avoid it by shutting down or shunning meaningful connections with others. However, if the process of grief is allowed and embraced it can become a very beautiful journey of discovery and healing.
By opening up to it you are allowing yourself to receive. Yes, there will be tears, sadness, anger, questions and possibly regret, guilt, powerlessness and frustration. It is important to recognise and acknowledge the feelings that come so you can let them go and find peace in the storm.
The realisation of how quickly things can be over can be quite confronting. Once this truth has been faced though, I believe it can empower us to reassess our lives and kick start us to do, be and have the things we want in life and live more fully in the NOW.
I personally used to struggle with loss and I know many of us do. It will never be easy for the majority of us either. What I have learnt from loss (particularly this loss), and what has transformed it into a more beautiful process rather than something awful to be avoided, is that it does not change any of the beautiful moments you had, the things you learnt with them and from them, the bond and love you shared. Nothing will change those things, they are your gift.
This process is instead about honouring what you shared and letting go of the perceived future. Letting go completely and trusting that everything is as it should be and has transpired as it should have.
So in honour of him I would like to share with you some of the important things he taught me in life and death;
- A great leader is one who is firm and decisive whilst also being compassionate and open.
- Just be you. And never apologise for who that is.
- Why run when you can walk? If you take the extra time to go slowly, it may appear that everyone else got there first but you will have experienced and taken more in along the way, and upon arrival will be grounded, calm and know exactly how you got there. Funnily enough you will also realise that the others didn’t get there any quicker than you anyway.
- We are in each other’s lives as reflections and mirror’s to help in each other’s learning and growth.
- Guilt and worry do nothing except spoil the good moments you would have had instead.
- Expectation of what might have been, or could be hurts more than anything else.
- Your grief will be in proportion to the amount you loved and that is OK.
- You will not be remembered for the things you did or did not do, you will be remembered for your character and the way you made people feel.
And now a different journey awaits and a new cycle begins, with elements of the previous always present. There is heartache in this but love and acceptance too, for though he is gone physically, his energy remains with me to show that life and death are really just an illusion.
has been an intense time of grief and mourning but also of reflection and gratitude. Gratitude for the blessing of having shared time and love with this Being, and reflection of our journey together and all the lessons he taught me along the way. That is what life is about in the end. Not birth or death, comings and goings, but the journey and lessons in between and throughout. Even death comes with its own special lessons to be learnt and accepted, the most powerful and poignant being that life is fleeting. Embrace it, live it and take it head on before it passes you by!
Sharyna Sharman is the owner and founder of Consciously You and specialises in Equine Assisted Coaching, using the principles of Compassion, Connection and Commitment to help clients better understand themselves and the deep connection we have to each other. She works with individuals, couples and groups and also offers workshops and clinics. Contact 0431 922 407 or Sharyna.firstname.lastname@example.org for more information.